Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
