Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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