i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
