my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
