Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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