the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
