from now on my penis is your penis
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
