I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
