kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't deserve a penis
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
