God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
