No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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