you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
