so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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