i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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