I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
