Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
