Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
