it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
