Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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