i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
