I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
