just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
