In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
