the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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