it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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