dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
