So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
