NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
