Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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