so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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