i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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