And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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