Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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