Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
