my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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