My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
