There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
