I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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