I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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