I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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