You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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