i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
