If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
