theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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