i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
