Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my poor anus
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
