her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
