Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
