I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
