Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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