Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
