STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
